In our optimized, digital-first world, we are rapidly losing our intuition for how human connection actually works. We avoid small talk, argue via text, and present sanitized versions of ourselves online. These three papers reveal that the texture and medium of our interactions matter immensely, and that leaning into the "messiness" of real human contact pays massive dividends.

Research Roundup

We Need to Talk

𝐖𝐞 𝐍𝐞𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐓𝐚𝐥𝐤. Want to resolve a conflict? Don’t text—talk.

Across “1,576 conversation partners who had 1,842 conversations”, spoken conversations led to vastly better outcomes—greater understanding, less conflict, and higher receptiveness (“cues in language that signal openness to opposing viewpoints”)—than written ones.

Prosody and other vocal cues are crucial. In particular, people use more receptive language in speech even though writing appears to need it more.

The productization of technology has successfully optimized our communication to be as frictionless, and emotionally useless, as possible. If you want to be heard, start talking.

Real Engagement is Deep & Dynamic

𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐥 𝐄𝐧𝐠𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐃𝐞𝐞𝐩 & 𝐃𝐲𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐜. They say there are no boring topics, only boring people. Nine pre-registered experiments find engagement is in the conversational dynamics.

Participants “consistently underestimated how enjoyable and interesting conversations about boring topics were,” assuming a "boring" topic will make for a boring conversation, causing them to avoid it.

We fail to account for the dynamic, emergent joy of simply engaging with another human mind. “The level of engagement conversations command—the need to respond, listen, and pay attention to another person—makes them enjoyable, but is harder to assess because it dynamically emerges only once a conversation begins.”

Research long ago discovered that “happiness” comes in different flavors: shallow hedonic happiness that reduces stress in the moment at the cost of longer health and wellbeing, and deep eudaimonic happiness that drives positive long-term life outcomes.

It’s time for us to recognize that “engagement” has similar shallow and deep facets with similar causal impacts on our lives. We’ve been productizing shallow engagement, but as these experiments about conversations reveal, real engagement is deep and dynamic.

According to Science, I Should Stop Citing Science

𝐀𝐜𝐜𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐒𝐜𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞, 𝐈 𝐒𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐒𝐭𝐨𝐩 𝐂𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐒𝐜𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞. I often share the story of hacking my son’s medical equipment and building one of the first machine learning models for diabetes to illustrate the positive potential of AI. The story conveys none of the rich complexity of an academic lecture on machine learning; why is it so much more effective with most audiences?

People “can distinguish between context-rich (episodic) memories and context-poor (semantic) memories shared by others”, and we feel “stronger social preference and feelings of closeness for individuals sharing personal episodic memories”.

We consistently feel closer to and prefer individuals who share context-rich, episodic memories over those who share abstract, semantic facts about themselves. Shared, vivid experiences create interpersonal closeness in ways that raw data simply cannot.

The scientist in me hates this. The storyteller thrives on it. In the end, science is a story.

Media Mentions

That's right–Robot-Proof is still on the bestselling lists and I already have a new book coming out. This collective effort by my coauthors and me presents a vision of a very approach to managing people in a future workplace.

SciFi, Fantasy, & Me

I’ve just started 𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑩𝒐𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉𝒔. I’m hopeful. Besides, how can anything Alfred Molina let me down?

Stage & Screen

• May 29, Online: AI & the Future of Creativity
• June 11, Luxembourg: How Europe (and even some of it smallest states) compete and grow in a trade environment dominated by zero-sum leaders
• June 18, Stockholm: The Smartest Thing on the Planet: Hybrid Intelligence
• June 25, Online: "The Tax On Being Different" can't be wished away
• July 7, MIT: I'm giving the keynote for the MIT App Inventor Global Education Summit taking place this year at MIT CSAIL.
• July 8, NYC: It a book talk for Robot-Proof at the Harvard Club...how swanky!
• Maybe July 24...Maybe San Diego: Maybe....
• September 19, Phoenix: I'm giving the keynote for the Association of Science & Technology Centers annual conference.
• September 21, Stanford: We're still working on the details, but hopefully I'll be talking about my research on machine learning and neurodiversity for Stanford's Neurodiversity Project.
• September 24, NYC: Culture Shifting Deal Making Summit
• September 29, Cincinnati: Still baking...
• September 30, Irvine: Hybrid Intelligence for innovation!
• October 6, SF: UCSD Alumni Association
• October 6, SF: Giving a talk at the Draper Richards Kaplan Foundation
• October 21-23, Warsaw: So much good stuff is in the works for my first visit to Poland (and maybe time in Germany as well!)
• October, Toronto: The Future of Work...in the Future
• November 19, NYC: Secrets in the dark!

Vivienne L'Ecuyer Ming